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Crime Watch: Human-on-Plywood Violence

Thursday, December 30th, 2010 by

A grisly discovery was made last night following the disappearance of one of the plywood gingerbread men set up in Columbus Park for the holidays: the 7-foot tall cookie humanoid was found face down in the snow, the victim of an apparent decapitation.

Columbus Park, scene of the crime

Not since San Francisco’s Mission District was rocked by the kidnapping of sandwich shop iconĀ  Mr. Pickle has a community been more outraged by an act of human-on-plywood violence. Naturally, Fox News is all over this horrific story.

Bob Simonds came upon the remains of the gingerbread man last night. (His name is being withheld, pending notification of his family.) WARNING: Graphic image could be disturbing to young gingerpeople.

He had so much to live for.

What a bummer! Personally, I’m holding out hope that this wasn’t an act of malicious gingerbreadicide, but rather the result of a freak accident. Errant snow plow? Or maybe, just maybe, someone walking through downtown got REALLY hungry. Either way, the city of Haverhill is proving that these kinds of crimes against downtown beautification are going to be taken very seriously.

3 Responses to “Crime Watch: Human-on-Plywood Violence”

  1. Rich says:

    Glad to have you back blogging, Amanda.
    Bob Simonds is THE man to read for tweets for all things Haverhill.

  2. So true. And how the heck does he manage to be EVERYWHERE at all times? He’s like Haverhill’s Bat Man.

  3. Jenn says:

    I didn’t know your town had such violent acts happening all around you. Good thing I grew up in Lynn where this type of crime is unheard of!