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Haverhill Missed Connection: Mr. Meh, You’ll Do

January 10th, 2011 by

It’s been a while since I’ve trawled Craigslist’s missed connections for fun and blog fodder. Remember how spectacular the results were last time?

Just like last time, while most of the posts ranged from sweet to satire, one really jumped out at me:

(click for full size)

Some enchanted evening (in 2009) you will see a stranger…but why don’t you just hold that thought until 2011?

It’s nice to see a missed connection for possibly the least compelling man in the universe. I mean, maybe this guy really is “gorgeous,” but obviously whatever he’s selling doesn’t look like it’s flying off the shelf too fast, otherwise, why would anyone wait such a long-ass time to grab him?

At least the girl posting is realistic, if not super slow to react. (Though kudos to her for remembering not only seeing a cute guy on that particular night, but what color t-shirt the guy was wearing. Summer nights can often get…fuzzy.)  Sure, chances of finding Mr. Right are slim.  But, Mr. Close Enough is cool, too. Any emo-haired yellow t-shirt clad Asians out there looking to get it on with a totally passive punk rock chick? Here’s your chance!

All jokes aside- if you’re out there, pining poster, I hope 2011 is the year you finally find the man of your dreams. Or at least a reasonable facsimile.

Thanks, Gingerdude: Haverhill is now Internet famous

January 5th, 2011 by

Sometimes a crime is committed that is so heinous that it becomes instant legend, word spreading from cube to cube, valley to valley, leaving all who hear of it to shake their heads in disbelief and wonder “why?”

Honestly, I didn’t think the dismemberment of a 7-foot tall gingerbread man was one of those times.

However, news of Haverhill’s first homicide of a fairytale creature captured the rapt attention of the entire region after being featured on both  NECN and Fox News. I think we all collectively chuckled cried a silent tear as footage of the pieces of plywood gingerbread being taken away from the crime scene rolled. Then Haverhill got back down to business downtown (including apprehending the culprit(s) via means usually not even reserved for home break-ins, apparently) and that was that. Our moment of infamy had subsided.

Until this morning when an eagle-eyed tipster sent us this screen cap from the blog of world renowned deal-a-day site, Woot.com:

Woot Blog coverage of Ginger Gate (click to see full entry)

Holy cow! We’re, like, Internet famous now! (Plus, that is such a spot on tip…GIANT TALKING FOX! Of course!)

Elsewhere on the Interwebs, one writer at the SOP (Student Operated Press) takes a hard line on the cookie capital punishment, contending that the gingerbread dismemberment was a mercy killing:

No civilized community should tolerate a gigantic gingerbread man; the person responsible for its destruction should be awarded a key to they city. And the students who created the monstrosity should be reprimanded for doing the devil`s work.

And I know my life wasn’t complete until I saw that the story had made it’s way to my favorite Web site, www.everythinggingerbreadman.com.

But in all seriousness, let’s talk lemonade here, people…this is pretty darn cool! Haverhill is really on the map now!

My only warning after all this Internet infamy is that we not let all this go to our heads and start slaughtering bedtime counting sheep or golden geese or anything  like that just for media attention. Let’s turn this negative into a positive, shall we? I suggest setting up a memorial scholarship fund to benefit one lucky ginger-American student each year.

UFO sighting in Haverhill?

December 14th, 2010 by

Friend of the Feeve Bob Simonds passed on this hot tip via Twitter last week. Apparently word of Haverhill’s trendy restaurant district and reasonable home prices have spread to the outer reaches of the cosmos!

Of course there was no ACTUAL photo, so I Photoshopped this one.

On December 9th, an anonymous Haverhillian spotted a cluster of eerie lights hanging out  in the night sky for nearly an hour over the Shoe City, and posted all the details on UFO Clearinghouse. The stargazer had just stepped out for  his/her customary after dinner smoke and…

When I looked up, I noticed three blue/green lights almost in a vertical line. The middle light was slightly off to the right, creating a very thin triangle. They were oscillating as if to be twinkling stars. As I said, I know the normal stars I see every night, and these were not them. I also noticed three similar lights in a more pronounced triangle approximately 20-30 degrees to the left. They behaved the exact same way. They were not moving and did not appear to get closer or further away. I stood outside and watched them for about an hour before all 6 lights disappeared at the exact same time. They did not fade out or zoom off out of sight. They simply disappeared. As I said, I look to the sky every night to see if anything abnormal is there. This is the first time I have ever seen anything out of the ordinary. I’m very creeped out right now. To add to that, my TV signal just went out. Coincidence? Probably. Creepy given what I just saw? Absolutely.

So, what do you think? (other than the part about the television going out. Clearly that’s just Comcast as usual- doye!) Are you convinced “they’re out there,” or left wondering what was REALLY in that cigarette?

Personally, as much as I’d like to believe that aliens would make Haverhill their first stop, I’m skeptical. I have a hard enough time getting my earthling friends to come all the way out to the Merrimack Valley to visit me!

Asking the tough questions: Is Haverhill uncool?

July 11th, 2010 by

If you are unfamiliar with Yahoo! Answers, then let me explain.

It is where all the world’s greatest minds gather to discuss religion, politics, science, and other facets of civilzation.

This morning, this gem of an inquiry popped up in my Google Alerts:

I wouldn't even dignify this with a response

I’m pretty sure I can come up with a least a handful of places less cool than Haverhill (Plaistow, anyone?).

Can the home of Tom Bergeron, Miskatanic U., and the Black Diamonds really be “uncool?”

I don’t think so.

Epic Haverhill missed connection

April 27th, 2010 by

Since Haverhill is without a subway system or more than one Starbucks, I was shocked to see how many missed connections the Shoe City is home to. Well, maybe it’s not the quantity as much as the quality.

If you’re a lady who loves the feel of the wheel, Fidel Castro, or simply tall and hot, there may be a lovelorn person currently looking for you.

Far and away, this has to be the most visually epic missed connection I’ve ever seen anywhere. Way to go, Haverhill!

Perhaps the greatest missed connection of all times.

I sincerely hope this guy finds who he’s looking for. In the meantime, I think I’m about to post a missed connection for that amazing fez!

BREAKING NEWS: Tupac is alive!!!

April 14th, 2010 by

Holy cow, you guys! I was just surfing Craigslist and I saw this:

Tupac is alive and living in Haverhill. And, good for him, he finally upgraded his cellphone.