Since you can’t really partake of most of Haverhill’s downtown shopping unless it’s before 5pm or not Sunday,  my first visit to Garand’s Discount had eluded me for far too long. You can’t even imagine how much I’ve been dying to get in this place.

I mean, its average window display is a line up of plastic gorillas next to a pyramid of packets of Korean Tide flanked by two suits of armor. This had me more than a little intrigued about the potential of its offerings.

Also, I could tell just from the outside that Garand’s was going to be serious about saving me money, because if you look really close, in place of the S in discount, there’s a dollar sign.

Garand's Di$count 192 Merrimack Street

Lucky for me, Garand’s is true to its outward appearance, and is a veritable smorgasbord of bargains. I took it easy on my first go around and limited myself to just some paint rollers for a couple bucks, but I can already see several of the store’s “departments” coming in handy if I’m in a pinch on a Saturday morning and need masking tape, a “tobacco only” pipe, wrapping paper, or a belt made out of  sequins. (or, you never now, this is me after all…could be all of the above!)

Wow, that pig in the bottom row really is blue. Look at how disenfranchised he looks.

But that’s not all Garand’s offers! The variety of merchandise at such wallet-friendly prices would be enough for most shops, but Garand’s has the audacity…no, the commitment to unadulterated bargainry, to offer even the intangible for a low low price:

Anything more than just pure love'll cost you extra.

This store represents the America I was promised as a child: A land of opportunity where anyone, no matter their race, creed, or background, can afford their own Phillie Blunts sweatshirt.